Perspective

After another night of pain, restlessness, and very little sleep I am trying to keep things in perspective. A year ago today Nate and I spent a day in the hospital that ended with the surgical removal of my tube and ovary after the rupture of an ectopic pregnancy. A year ago today we were amidst a very trying time - having just endured a surgery and still dealing the fact that we had lost our baby. We were wondering if we would ever have the chance to have another baby - if I got pregnant, would it be ectopic again?

It felt like it took an eternity to get pregnant (really it only took 3 months from the time we were given the thumbs up from the doc to try). It felt like it took an eternity to get the results from the blood test to confirm the pregnancy. It felt like it took forever to reach that 6 week point when we could get an ultrasound to confirm the location of the baby (especially when lots of severe abdominal pain landed us in the hospital again). Yet, here we are today. Less than 2 months away from welcoming another child into our lives.

I remember back to the first trimester when I was exhausted, naseous, and continually worried. I remember about half way through the second trimester when I started to finally feel well. I am remembering how a few days ago the third trimester started getting more difficult. I feel pretty well during the day (aside from this new insatiable hunger I am experiencing), but the nights have been really difficult. I cannot get comfortable and am probably getting about 5 hours of sleep a night between not being able to get comfortable and having to get up to pee. The last couple of nights have gotten worse. I've gone from discomfort to constant pain - just while trying to sleep of course. Last night was the worst. I woke up every hour with pain in my hips, my back, my belly. NOTHING helped - except getting out of bed in the morning.

I'm frustrated and found myself in tears several times last night. But this morning I remembered where we were a year ago. How can I complain about sleepless nights when God has blessed us with this promise of great joy? I am sure that I will complain - if you don't hear me, just ask Nate. I am going to do my best to remember that we have less than 2 months until this wiggling life in my belly becomes a wiggling life in my arms. I am going to do my best to choose not to complain - it doesn't change anything anyway.